Beer is the reason we get up each afternoon.-- Ray McNeill

Finish Your Beer....There Are Sober People In China!

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.--Frank Zappa

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. --Ernest Hemmingway

I feel sorry for people who dont drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're are going to feel all day. --Dean Martin

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. --Winston Churchill

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. --W.C. Fields

Sir, you are drunk!
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, you are ugly...and I'll be sober in the morning.
--His reply
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
--His reply

Work is the curse of the drinking class. --Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny Youngman

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. --Deep Thought, Jack Handy

If you bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.
If you bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, and traded in the cans for the nickel deposit, you would have $79.
My advice is to start drinking heavily.

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. --Homer Simpson

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart

People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot. --Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. --Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting. --George Jean Nathan

Beer, if drank with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health. --Thomas Jefferson

Let no man thirst for good beer. -- Sam Adams

He was a wise man who invented beer. -- Plato

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.-- Catherine Zandonella

A good local pub has much in common with a church, except that a pub is warmer, and there's more conversation.-- William Blake

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. -- For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.-- Dean Martin

Evangelical perfection cannot be conceived of without a strong dose of egoism, pride, toughness, and beer.-- Charles De Gaulle

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. --David Daye

I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.-- Abraham Lincoln

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

I think that I shall never hear, a poem lovlier than beer
The beer the Crow's Nest has on tap, with golden crown and foamy cap
The beer I sit and drink all day, until my memory melts away
Poems are made by fools I fear, but only GMO can live on beer!

Give a man a fish.......feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish.......he'll drink all your beer.

How do you keep a southern baptist from drinking all you beer on a fishing trip?

.......invite another one!

A philosophy professor stood before his class with several items laid out on a table in front of him.
As the class began, he picked up a large, empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, each about 2" in diameter. When he had piled the rocks to the brim, he asked the students if they though the jar was full?
They all agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar, shaking it slightly so that the pebbles rolled into the gaps between the rocks. Once more, he asked the students if the jar was full.
Again, they agreed it was.
With that, the professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar, where it filled the spaces between the rocks and the pebbles. "Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that would still make your life full even if everything else was lost. The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else; the small details of life.
"If you put the sand into the jar first, there will be no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are most important to you. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. The rest is just sand."
At this point a student stood up, popped the cap on a bottle of pale ale and walked to the front of the room. Taking the supposedly full mayonnaise jar from the professor, he raised the bottle and poured it into the jar, filling the remaining spaces with the ale and proving that...
...no matter how full your life, there is always room for beer!