- 1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
- 2. Extension to rule #1- So if you get one, be grateful.
- 3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw; it is not
standard
practice to cum on someone's face.
- 4. Extension to rule #3- No I DON'T have to swallow.
- 5. My ears are NOT handles.
- 6. Extension to rule#5- do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard,
deep throat had been done. And
additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
- 7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get it is NEVER OK to fart.
- 8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" get it through
your head- I'm bloated and I feel
like shit so no,I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you, YOU
just
can't have sex right now.
- 9. Extension to #8- "Blue balls" might have worked on high schoolgirls-if
your that desperate, go jerk off
and leave me alone with my Midol.
- 10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me
I've just "wrecked it" for you.
- 11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediate afterwards
is
highly inadvisable if you
would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
- 12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about
the
origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good
at
it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
- The world is your urinal.
- 13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the
protein content.
- 14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
- 15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blowjobs
often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either
sympathize
or brag.
- 16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up doesn't mean I have to "kiss
it good morning."
A Man's Rebuttal
- 1. First of all, yes you are obligated to do it. If you don't we will find
someone (younger, prettier, and
dirtier) who will.
- 2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier than
licking a dead fish.
- 3. You want to talk about farting? does the word "queef" mean anything to
you?
- 4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it and be
thankful
I'm not pulling your hair.
- 5 . When you're on period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only
way
to stop your bitching and
moaning. Suck it up.
- 6. Speaking of which, if are bleeding for five straight days, you need all
the fluids you can get,
trust me.
- 7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get
the
shit end of the stick in flavor
country.
- 8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
- 9. Play with the balls.
- 10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
- 11. Caress the ass, too. WE like that.
- 12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the mornin now,
but when you get old and fat and
looking for some action, Igah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep,"
- The world is your urinal.
- 13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?
